I'm sitting here and flipping through the pictures from the past year.
And guess what? They're making me nostalgic. Really, really nostalgic.
So my eyes are misting over but it's a mixed bag of feelings. Of course I'm really sad on one hand because I miss you guys and I wish I could relive some of those amazing moments we shared, but I'm happy that I even got these pictures... the pictures of all of the once in a lifetime experiences that I would have never had and of all of the places I never would have been without my chingoos.
"Even if I never see him again, I'll have stories to tell about him forever." I remember someone said that about one of my old co-workers.. and shit, isn't that fitting now?
You guys pushed me to do things that I would have never even thought to do and some things that I never thought I could do. And that made me push myself to really live life and to become a better person. Now I have stories to tell, and hell yeh, I'm grateful.
Shit, that's inspiration.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
It's like riding a bicycle..............
Blah blah blah.
I'm typing in between sniffles. No, I'm not crying.. I happen to have caught a cold. 감기 not 강기... any other Korean kids made that mistake? I guess after a week or so of not enough rest and sleeping on couches, it takes a toll on you. I'm pretty sure I might've sent Jason and Elliot off with sore throats as well... er, that sounds really bad but yeh. Sorry guys.
Okay, that was a bad introductory paragraph into this brog.
Anyway, one of my friends from the first semester at Yonsei in Korea, Jason, came to visit me in San Jose/San Francisco for the past 5 days. He brought along one of his friends from high school, Elliot. Jason was the first Korean friend face I've seen since I've been back... I guess that was quick enough considering I made my return on the 3rd of August. But the timing was good and it was definitely great to see him. They stayed with me at my parents' house and Simba went crazy. I guess he never fully trusted them so any time they made a sudden movement(er... ok whenever they got up or ... uhm, laughed... yeh...Simba's crazy) he'd go into a barking fit. Yeh, so I basically got to show them how boring San Jose is. I took them to two bars only to find out that they had both closed for the night. I also took them to one of my favorite restaurants only to find out that that was closed as well. I guess the only place that I took them in San Jose that wasn't closed was the Egyptian Museum which was a big disappointment/embarrassment. We ended up wishing that that place were closed instead. For some reason, I thought that staring at a mummy would be cool but instead, it was actually a quite horrifying experience. I feared that if I breathed in too deeply or yawned or had any sort of intake of breath, the mummy's spirit would overtake my body. There was a small mummified baboon on display... and I envisioned a sort of "The Shaggy Dog" scenario where.... never mind, it's already dumb. (But basically it would have me as Tim Allen and the baboon as the sheepdog).
The highlight, as I'm sure they'd both agree, was going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I'd never been before so I was glad to go along for the ride. The only downside was that the place was an absolute clusterfuck. But I guess that can't be helped. I made my helpful comment on how I wished that we could've been there just by ourselves and wow, how cool would that have been? Yeh, no shit. Anyway, who wants to watch Jacques Cousteau movies with me?
Then for the remainder of the time, I dragged them here and there and everywhere and nowhere.
I seriously never know where to take anyone when they visit me places. It's also strange because I'm trying to find my footing in a place that I'm already supposed to know. The streets I used to have memorized have now been delegated to the back corners of my mind. The dark corners that never do and never will see the light of day... you know the saying that it's like riding a bicycle? Well, that's supposed to be a cliche because that's one of those things that you just never forget how to do. Now let me tell you a story in which I continue to defy all sorts of human rationale. Yes, I thought... it's like riding a bicycle.. when it came to well, riding a bicycle. I guess that doesn't apply to me or my life. When I tried riding a bicycle after a perhaps 7 or 8 year hiatus, I ate shit.. not once, not twice, but thrice. And it was all within one night. One hour, even...
The first time was my first attempt at riding a bike that was admittedly, too tall and too long for me. Whatever, I wanted to laugh in the face of danger and shun any sort of reason that could've helped save me from a bruise or two. I started gliding all wobbly-like down the sidewalk, thinking that yessss.. I'm doing it. I'm doing it! When I hear my friend shout out at me from the distance as I was approaching a hill going downwards, "If you're going to fall, fall towards the grass!" Upon hearing this, my bike stalled as if it had a mind of its own, and without further warning, I just plopped over. Physical comedy can be so fun.
We then decided that maybe the streets were too dangerous.. or maybe that I was too dangerous for the streets. Whichever.. but we then started riding around the empty tennis courts since it was too late in the night for anyone to be playing. It was by far safer choice but I still was prone to falling, running into shit and basically being unable to ride a freaking bicycle. For some reason, I actually thought to myself that if I was going to fall, it would hurt less to crash into a fence and catch myself than to just fall on the ground. Wrong wrong wrong. Actually, the bike was so large for me that I was only barely able to graze my feet against the ground, which is usually how people prevent themselves from falling after clamping down on the brakes. So instead of being able to stop like a normal person, I would just have to slow down and my friend would have to grab the bike for me and hold it steady while I would clamber down.
god sometimes my life can be such a disaster. But you know, even though I ate shit three times and had a new lovely set of bruises and cuts, I said fuck it and refused to give up. You know.. shit hurt, but still it ain't even that bad. Do you see where this is going and how it's going to be a metaphor for MY LIFE ? I actually just figured this out as I wrote this/am writing this. So whatever, I took that cliche, tweaked it, and now am appropriating it as my own. And yeh, I'm clumsy as shit but give me time and I'll be able to do it.
So I guess what it boils down to is this. I'm still trying to find my footing. But it's slowly getting better. And I'm finding the comfort of having friends I can safely crash into.
Yeh so I'm fucking riding it. I just have to see where it takes me.
Oy!
I'm typing in between sniffles. No, I'm not crying.. I happen to have caught a cold. 감기 not 강기... any other Korean kids made that mistake? I guess after a week or so of not enough rest and sleeping on couches, it takes a toll on you. I'm pretty sure I might've sent Jason and Elliot off with sore throats as well... er, that sounds really bad but yeh. Sorry guys.
Okay, that was a bad introductory paragraph into this brog.
Anyway, one of my friends from the first semester at Yonsei in Korea, Jason, came to visit me in San Jose/San Francisco for the past 5 days. He brought along one of his friends from high school, Elliot. Jason was the first Korean friend face I've seen since I've been back... I guess that was quick enough considering I made my return on the 3rd of August. But the timing was good and it was definitely great to see him. They stayed with me at my parents' house and Simba went crazy. I guess he never fully trusted them so any time they made a sudden movement(er... ok whenever they got up or ... uhm, laughed... yeh...Simba's crazy) he'd go into a barking fit. Yeh, so I basically got to show them how boring San Jose is. I took them to two bars only to find out that they had both closed for the night. I also took them to one of my favorite restaurants only to find out that that was closed as well. I guess the only place that I took them in San Jose that wasn't closed was the Egyptian Museum which was a big disappointment/embarrassment. We ended up wishing that that place were closed instead. For some reason, I thought that staring at a mummy would be cool but instead, it was actually a quite horrifying experience. I feared that if I breathed in too deeply or yawned or had any sort of intake of breath, the mummy's spirit would overtake my body. There was a small mummified baboon on display... and I envisioned a sort of "The Shaggy Dog" scenario where.... never mind, it's already dumb. (But basically it would have me as Tim Allen and the baboon as the sheepdog).
The highlight, as I'm sure they'd both agree, was going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I'd never been before so I was glad to go along for the ride. The only downside was that the place was an absolute clusterfuck. But I guess that can't be helped. I made my helpful comment on how I wished that we could've been there just by ourselves and wow, how cool would that have been? Yeh, no shit. Anyway, who wants to watch Jacques Cousteau movies with me?
Then for the remainder of the time, I dragged them here and there and everywhere and nowhere.
I seriously never know where to take anyone when they visit me places. It's also strange because I'm trying to find my footing in a place that I'm already supposed to know. The streets I used to have memorized have now been delegated to the back corners of my mind. The dark corners that never do and never will see the light of day... you know the saying that it's like riding a bicycle? Well, that's supposed to be a cliche because that's one of those things that you just never forget how to do. Now let me tell you a story in which I continue to defy all sorts of human rationale. Yes, I thought... it's like riding a bicycle.. when it came to well, riding a bicycle. I guess that doesn't apply to me or my life. When I tried riding a bicycle after a perhaps 7 or 8 year hiatus, I ate shit.. not once, not twice, but thrice. And it was all within one night. One hour, even...
The first time was my first attempt at riding a bike that was admittedly, too tall and too long for me. Whatever, I wanted to laugh in the face of danger and shun any sort of reason that could've helped save me from a bruise or two. I started gliding all wobbly-like down the sidewalk, thinking that yessss.. I'm doing it. I'm doing it! When I hear my friend shout out at me from the distance as I was approaching a hill going downwards, "If you're going to fall, fall towards the grass!" Upon hearing this, my bike stalled as if it had a mind of its own, and without further warning, I just plopped over. Physical comedy can be so fun.
We then decided that maybe the streets were too dangerous.. or maybe that I was too dangerous for the streets. Whichever.. but we then started riding around the empty tennis courts since it was too late in the night for anyone to be playing. It was by far safer choice but I still was prone to falling, running into shit and basically being unable to ride a freaking bicycle. For some reason, I actually thought to myself that if I was going to fall, it would hurt less to crash into a fence and catch myself than to just fall on the ground. Wrong wrong wrong. Actually, the bike was so large for me that I was only barely able to graze my feet against the ground, which is usually how people prevent themselves from falling after clamping down on the brakes. So instead of being able to stop like a normal person, I would just have to slow down and my friend would have to grab the bike for me and hold it steady while I would clamber down.
god sometimes my life can be such a disaster. But you know, even though I ate shit three times and had a new lovely set of bruises and cuts, I said fuck it and refused to give up. You know.. shit hurt, but still it ain't even that bad. Do you see where this is going and how it's going to be a metaphor for MY LIFE ? I actually just figured this out as I wrote this/am writing this. So whatever, I took that cliche, tweaked it, and now am appropriating it as my own. And yeh, I'm clumsy as shit but give me time and I'll be able to do it.
So I guess what it boils down to is this. I'm still trying to find my footing. But it's slowly getting better. And I'm finding the comfort of having friends I can safely crash into.
Yeh so I'm fucking riding it. I just have to see where it takes me.
Oy!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
So...
I haven't been getting much sleep since I've been back from Korea. I guess that I've never been fully used to sleeping in other peoples' homes. I mean, I'm sure everyone understands the satisfaction of sleeping in the comfort of their own bed. But I guess since I've been back, it just feels like I've been sleeping in other peoples' homes which for the most part, I guess I have been.
Even the house I grew up in, I feel like I'm just a temporary guest. My things are still packed and all of my old belongings are in boxes so even the outward appearance looks like everything is in transition. But the transition is weird and I don't know how to get from point A to point B or what point B is supposed to be. All the while, point A is still foggy and vague, and it's becoming harder to remember. It all comes in flashes.. nothing substantial, but enough to keep me from going crazy... for now. It's just all too surreal.
Wow, I'm so melodramatic. But I guess I've always appreciated the theatrics in everything otherwise I'd just be bored bored bored. I'm staying at the place I used to live in San Francisco and it's strange walking in here and looking at my room that's not my room anymore. Her room is much cleaner than mine had ever been, even on its better days. I've been sleeping on the couch. I've laid on this couch so many times before but it's weird how it feels different now. I couldn't sleep the other night so like a crazy person, I just started putting away the dishes and tried to wash the ones that were in the sink. I accidentally woke up the person in the room next door(sorry Mike) and after giving a panicky apology, I retreated back to the couch. I started reading a book of comic book shorts when I heard the doorbell ring. Instantly, I freak out and wake up my friend telling him that someone just rang the doorbell and I'm scared. For some reason, I've been more paranoid these days than ever. I'm just constantly thinking that someone is going to shoot or stab me. The comfort of living in America....
It ended up being my old roommate Ryne who was more than a little drunk. It was about 3 or 4 in the morning and we decided to play Rock Band...much to Anthony's dismay since he was attempting to sleep like a normal person. Sorry Anthony. This game is hilarious because we both blankly stared at the screens in wordless silence, only hearing the noise of us furiously jabbing away at buttons amongst the backdrop of Wave of Mutilation or another..
Gah, well back to the heft of the story..
So I guess right now I feel like I'm hanging out in the disconnect from what was to what is. Oh dear. My life is covered in cheese, isn't it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm tired. But even though I'm tired, it's been hard to fall asleep.
My eyes are bleary right now. And that's not metaphorically speaking. I guess whenever I'm really tired, my vision becomes compromised and everything just looks hazy. So I'm just sitting here, squinting and peering at the screen like a dumbass while spewing out my overblown feelings all over the place.
My writing is so scattered and vague, I realize. But I'm working on trying to not be so obsessively private anymore and to make the things that were vague more concrete. And I guess this blog is a solid example of that.
I don't feel like finishing this entry but I guess it's good enough for now. I'll try to start processing my thoughts and put them into neat little paragraphs to make for better blog entries.
It seems as if I've just instantly jumped back into things so the thoughts are taking time. Mostly because I've been pushing them to the back of my mind, waiting for a better state of mind to make sense of anything.
But yeh... yeh... er... yeh.
I'll leave you with this for now. A video that seems to have made every single person who has watched it cry.... in a good way.
I haven't been getting much sleep since I've been back from Korea. I guess that I've never been fully used to sleeping in other peoples' homes. I mean, I'm sure everyone understands the satisfaction of sleeping in the comfort of their own bed. But I guess since I've been back, it just feels like I've been sleeping in other peoples' homes which for the most part, I guess I have been.
Even the house I grew up in, I feel like I'm just a temporary guest. My things are still packed and all of my old belongings are in boxes so even the outward appearance looks like everything is in transition. But the transition is weird and I don't know how to get from point A to point B or what point B is supposed to be. All the while, point A is still foggy and vague, and it's becoming harder to remember. It all comes in flashes.. nothing substantial, but enough to keep me from going crazy... for now. It's just all too surreal.
Wow, I'm so melodramatic. But I guess I've always appreciated the theatrics in everything otherwise I'd just be bored bored bored. I'm staying at the place I used to live in San Francisco and it's strange walking in here and looking at my room that's not my room anymore. Her room is much cleaner than mine had ever been, even on its better days. I've been sleeping on the couch. I've laid on this couch so many times before but it's weird how it feels different now. I couldn't sleep the other night so like a crazy person, I just started putting away the dishes and tried to wash the ones that were in the sink. I accidentally woke up the person in the room next door(sorry Mike) and after giving a panicky apology, I retreated back to the couch. I started reading a book of comic book shorts when I heard the doorbell ring. Instantly, I freak out and wake up my friend telling him that someone just rang the doorbell and I'm scared. For some reason, I've been more paranoid these days than ever. I'm just constantly thinking that someone is going to shoot or stab me. The comfort of living in America....
It ended up being my old roommate Ryne who was more than a little drunk. It was about 3 or 4 in the morning and we decided to play Rock Band...much to Anthony's dismay since he was attempting to sleep like a normal person. Sorry Anthony. This game is hilarious because we both blankly stared at the screens in wordless silence, only hearing the noise of us furiously jabbing away at buttons amongst the backdrop of Wave of Mutilation or another..
Gah, well back to the heft of the story..
So I guess right now I feel like I'm hanging out in the disconnect from what was to what is. Oh dear. My life is covered in cheese, isn't it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm tired. But even though I'm tired, it's been hard to fall asleep.
My eyes are bleary right now. And that's not metaphorically speaking. I guess whenever I'm really tired, my vision becomes compromised and everything just looks hazy. So I'm just sitting here, squinting and peering at the screen like a dumbass while spewing out my overblown feelings all over the place.
My writing is so scattered and vague, I realize. But I'm working on trying to not be so obsessively private anymore and to make the things that were vague more concrete. And I guess this blog is a solid example of that.
I don't feel like finishing this entry but I guess it's good enough for now. I'll try to start processing my thoughts and put them into neat little paragraphs to make for better blog entries.
It seems as if I've just instantly jumped back into things so the thoughts are taking time. Mostly because I've been pushing them to the back of my mind, waiting for a better state of mind to make sense of anything.
But yeh... yeh... er... yeh.
I'll leave you with this for now. A video that seems to have made every single person who has watched it cry.... in a good way.
Monday, August 4, 2008
This is called the Transformation of Things...
Yeh, I guess it's weird.
I just got home yesterday. It's been a weird transition so far... the airplane ride was annoying, as usual. I always just get so queasy and the man next to me smelled sour. There weren't any good movies except ones that I'd already seen so I just watched bits and pieces of Kung Fu Panda and Iron Man. Landing was strange.. there were American flags everywhere and a bunch of waegookins(foreigners)... I guess it's strange coming from being in a mostly racially homogenous society. Everyone kept greeting me with "welcome back" and I kept wondering, "How did they know I was gone?" and then I thought, "oh yeh, I'm at an airport duh"
Some guy helped me with my bag when the strap RIPPED.. how embarrassing. And I started thanking him profusely in Korean. Then I remembered that I wasn't in Korea.. when is this going to stop being weird?
One of the customs guys was a big jerk. I accidentally rolled my bag over a woman's foot but whatever, her foot had it coming! It was waiting underneath my bag. Just kidding. Sorry random lady. I just couldn't fit all of my luggage onto the cart since it required some tricky maneuvering because the bags were so freaking heavy. And the guy said, "Why didn't you just put all the bags in the cart?" and I said "Yeh, I tried but they didn't fit" and he was like "I bet they would've" in this super annoying mean tone.. and I just retorted "Cool, thanks for the tip" and as I walked away I just mumbled "you fucking asshole" ... geez, so snarky I know. Garr, thanks for the warm welcome U.S.A. Ugh, I'm so impatient.... gross
My friend Anthony came to pick me up from the airport and what was the first thing I ate? We went to La Victoria and ate nachos and I also ordered a super burrito with carnitas. My god, I've missed the food. We then watched Dark Knight which basically had me in panic mode the entire time. It was great though and I'll probably go see it again.
So, I'm not writing in detail. I'm not writing anything deep or introspective. I guess I'm writing this because I want you guys to know that I landed safely and that things are weird. My dog Simba is sitting next to me as I'm typing. I'm happy that he remembered me =) But it's weird because everything is feeling like a dream within a dream within a dream within a .... bLah blah. Being home doesn't feel real and thinking of Korea doesn't feel real either. But I don't even want to start trying to figure shit out. I think I need at least a week of just laying here and letting things just be whatever. I don't want to make sense of things yet.
It's good to see my parents, Simba, and my little brother of course. But everything is still strange because it doesn't feel completely natural yet. My mom made me breakfast today with hashbrowns, eggs, bacon, and sourdough bread. I've missed American breakfast so much. Shit, I'm sorry to say it but I love fat ass American food. But right now I feel like I could also go for some soondubu or samgyupsal with a bottle of soju and the company of some good friends/my best friends.
Fuck, what's going on? I am calling all of you soon. That's one thing that is keeping things in focus right now... I just entered all of your numbers into my phone.... gah
PS, No Peter.. I haven't cried yet. Right now I won't because everything is still too weird. I probably will though... just later.
My brain is so scattered right now. This blog entry sucks. Sorry guys.
I just got home yesterday. It's been a weird transition so far... the airplane ride was annoying, as usual. I always just get so queasy and the man next to me smelled sour. There weren't any good movies except ones that I'd already seen so I just watched bits and pieces of Kung Fu Panda and Iron Man. Landing was strange.. there were American flags everywhere and a bunch of waegookins(foreigners)... I guess it's strange coming from being in a mostly racially homogenous society. Everyone kept greeting me with "welcome back" and I kept wondering, "How did they know I was gone?" and then I thought, "oh yeh, I'm at an airport duh"
Some guy helped me with my bag when the strap RIPPED.. how embarrassing. And I started thanking him profusely in Korean. Then I remembered that I wasn't in Korea.. when is this going to stop being weird?
One of the customs guys was a big jerk. I accidentally rolled my bag over a woman's foot but whatever, her foot had it coming! It was waiting underneath my bag. Just kidding. Sorry random lady. I just couldn't fit all of my luggage onto the cart since it required some tricky maneuvering because the bags were so freaking heavy. And the guy said, "Why didn't you just put all the bags in the cart?" and I said "Yeh, I tried but they didn't fit" and he was like "I bet they would've" in this super annoying mean tone.. and I just retorted "Cool, thanks for the tip" and as I walked away I just mumbled "you fucking asshole" ... geez, so snarky I know. Garr, thanks for the warm welcome U.S.A. Ugh, I'm so impatient.... gross
My friend Anthony came to pick me up from the airport and what was the first thing I ate? We went to La Victoria and ate nachos and I also ordered a super burrito with carnitas. My god, I've missed the food. We then watched Dark Knight which basically had me in panic mode the entire time. It was great though and I'll probably go see it again.
So, I'm not writing in detail. I'm not writing anything deep or introspective. I guess I'm writing this because I want you guys to know that I landed safely and that things are weird. My dog Simba is sitting next to me as I'm typing. I'm happy that he remembered me =) But it's weird because everything is feeling like a dream within a dream within a dream within a .... bLah blah. Being home doesn't feel real and thinking of Korea doesn't feel real either. But I don't even want to start trying to figure shit out. I think I need at least a week of just laying here and letting things just be whatever. I don't want to make sense of things yet.
It's good to see my parents, Simba, and my little brother of course. But everything is still strange because it doesn't feel completely natural yet. My mom made me breakfast today with hashbrowns, eggs, bacon, and sourdough bread. I've missed American breakfast so much. Shit, I'm sorry to say it but I love fat ass American food. But right now I feel like I could also go for some soondubu or samgyupsal with a bottle of soju and the company of some good friends/my best friends.
Fuck, what's going on? I am calling all of you soon. That's one thing that is keeping things in focus right now... I just entered all of your numbers into my phone.... gah
PS, No Peter.. I haven't cried yet. Right now I won't because everything is still too weird. I probably will though... just later.
My brain is so scattered right now. This blog entry sucks. Sorry guys.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
